Motherhood 3 years 9 months on…

Marley 3 years 9 months
He’s hilarious, that’s the plain and simple truth.  He has Tim and I giving each other sneaky looks of shock, horror, surprise and pride.  I think he belongs on a stage, seriously, he’s just such a little performer.  With his expanding vocabularly comes new delights daily.  He is so engaging and full of positive energy, we just adore him through and through.  Someone on TV described a colleague as having a Jesus beard, 2 minutes later Marley chimed in saying ‘That man has a Jesus beard’! God did we laugh!! 
In the space of 4 minutes as we drove between a couple of sets of lights he managed to learn our home phone number and when I reiterated it back at him he said “I’m so proud of you Mumma!!” Very patronizing indeed coming from a 3 year old.
I pretend to be scared of his make believe dragon or crocodile or what ever it may be and he says, ‘don’t worry Mumma, it’s just pretend’.  He truly is a beautiful boy.  I’m literally just sitting here shaking my head when I think of how sweet he is.  He makes us so proud.
I’ve continued telling him “Marvelous Maloo” stories which he adores.  He asks for them every night and I’m more than happy to engage in these story telling sessions.  He does quite a lot of the story telling himself now also. 
Marely lives in a world of make believe and takes it for granted that I know exactly what he means when he sets out for his new adventures.  I sometimes worry that he’s over involved in his dramatic play, especially when I find I can only get a response from him when I call him one of his character names like ‘Fireman Sam?, would you please put your knickers on?’ I’ve had to resort to getting “Grandpa in my pocket” into the scenarios to help him get dressed and it works.  Hmmmm.  He’s now using my own words on me too..."Mumma, you’re not listening to me!!” I tell him he needs to go to his room because he’s not listening and he’s yell at me in a loud voice “I need to LISTEN” to which I reply “yes you do!” He really is such a funny and cheeky boy.
Marley cuddles me saying “Mine beautiful girl” or more recently he’s said “You’re the prettiest girl I know”.  He comes to me announcing “Mumma, I got a surprise for you.  He opens his hands as if to open an imaginary treasure chest and says ‘It’s a beautiful necklace” or “It’s a CAR!” Actually, it could be anything really and he does like his surprises.
Marley has become far more attached to Remy recently.  I suppose he’s getting more out of him and now he just adores him.  He spends a lot of time playing with Rems and trying to make him laugh.  He speaks to him exactly how I do and one of his favorite things to do is to suck on Remy’s hands or feet.  He also likes to unbutton his clothes and take his socks off whenever my back is turned.  It’s a beautiful relationship that I’m loving watch develop.

Marley uses the computer now pretty much every day.  He is able to get on to the internet and find his favorite sites and games.  We’ve had to put a password on the computer to stop him accessing the net without our knowledge.  It’s working well and I try to limit Marley’s use.  I’d hate for him to end up being an indoors child when I feel that outdoor play is very important too.  OH and he’s FINALLY able to pronounce SP ... a little too late for Baby Sparky who was referred to as baby Farky for the entire pregnancy.

I’m sure there’s much more to say about our biggest boy, He’s sneaking into our bed every few nights, I suppose he could feel left out when you consider Remy sleeps in our room every night.  He doesn’t seem jealous of his brother, he’s very confident in his own position in the family which is very nice.  He’s still loving creche thankfully.

Remy at 4months
Remy spent 3 nights in hospital at the start of the month… he was very sick with bronchialitis and ended up needing oxygen.  It was very frightening but also a wonderful opportunity for me to spend some one on one time with him in hospital.  Despite being a very sick little baby he had a huge learning spurt in hospital.  He learned to take his dummy out of his mouth and replace it again.  He started grabbing at toys and was generally much more responsive.  He has got to the point now where he is able to bear his weight standing as you hold his hands.  He’s such a strong little man.
Remy watches out for Marley and gives him lovely big smiles.  He’s very very cheeky on the breast, often looking up at me grinning with a mouthful of milk half way through his feed.... I just can’t help but smile
Remy chats and squeals and plays very actively now.  He is happy to lie awake in his crib playing and chatting rather than needing to be held straight away.  He does however like to be held a lot!  He loves to snuggle and to take pride of place on my lap but can get quite cranky when I put him on the floor for a play.  His night sleeps have taken a backward step since hospital and one going bouts of croup.  He only managed to put on 60g in the last month so I’m happy to feed him in the night if he needs it.  Hopefully he’s putting on weight again now and I’ll start getting my long nights of sleep back again… that’d be lovely!
He is an adorable baby, very very easy to love.  I could spend hours just staring into his eyes, holding his baby hands, letting him grab my fingers as he pushes my hand back and forth.  His eyes sparkle making our nickname “Sparky” so appropriate.  He’s a gem, a beautiful and cheeky little man who’s just so happy.  How lucky we are.

Motherhood 3 years 8 months on…

Marley 3 years 8 months

Cheeky, pushing boundaries, kind, loving, funny, full of fun, love and life.  He’s learning about time schedules.  He’s learning days of the week, blocks of time “in 5 minutes...” We’re using a timer to help him to finish activities without a fuss and thankfully it’s working.  He’s not great at following instructions, he’s much happier to ‘go with the flow’ and he likes that flow to be dictated by him.  He’s slowly learning, through really strict boundaries and expectations, that he really has to go through us before he gets what he wants and that this requires something of him, nice tone, good manners and listening.  Actually he mostly is perfect with his manners, his tone can be both delighful and awful but it’s improving.
Marley has become interested in all things technical.  He uses our damaged digital camera to take pictures and doesn’t do a half bad job either.  He has also started using the internet.  I know that sounds crazy but he plays on the ABC site and is now able to turn the computer on and navigate his way to the net and to the bookmarked children’s pages of his choice.  We’ve had to put a password on the computer so that he only goes on when we allow him to, ie.  when we can watch what he’s doing. The other morning we woke to hear the computer starting up, heard him walk to the bathroom, toilet flush and footsteps back to the computer.  What ever happened to climbing into bed with mum and dad for a cuddle?

Remy 3 months on

Remy’s made huge progress with sleeping through the night.  He has the odd wake in the night every now and then but mostly sleeps through as much as 9 hours at a time.  He notices when I leave his line of vision and protests loudly, preferring at times not to be held by strangers.  We’ve come to realize that he pulls his head tightly to his right and often appears stiff and uncomfortable during feeds bending backwards crying.  We got a referral to the physio and apparently he has torticolis of the neck causing the muscles in his neck to shorten and lengthen unevenly.  We’re doing exercises with him to reverse this problem and it’s already working.  It’s usually caused by baby’s head position in the womb being a little odd.  Thankfully it’s something that we can easily fix and as I say, it already seems to be improving.  He’s poohing less and smiling more.  He’s easy to engage and is oh so cuddly! He smiles at his Dadda, his face really just lights up when Tim gets home from work and says hello.  He’s batting more at toys now and can play alone for 15 minutes without crying.  Feeding has become easier and he’s now taking both breasts each feed, usually up to 5 minutes a side.

Me?
Life’s changed fairly dramatically I’d say.  I have good and bad days as I learn to juggle two children.  I’ve had to find a special time and level for Marley and I to share one on one.  I always call him baby and shower him with kisses and cuddles but as important as that is, he desperately needs his boundaries maintained otherwise he goes a little feral.  My boys fill me with such love and pride.  Tim and I both just smile from ear to ear as we watch Marley develop in leaps and bounds and Remy’s little personality start to show through.  We’re very happy.  I spend a lot of time thinking about my future, if we’ll have more children, if I’ll ever have my body back, if I’ll ever perform again on stage.  I wonder if I’ll come up with some clever money making idea that will allow both Tim and I to work and parent from home.  That would be our dream come true but I can’t help but think that we’d find it hard to stay focused as we’re such a bad influence on eachother.  We’d end up eating loads of chips and chocolate and playing… I suppose that’s not such a bad thing

Motherhood 3 yrs 7 months on

Marley 3 years 7 months

Marley’s world has been turned upside down and he’s responding appropriately.  He’s argues with us, asserts his wants and needs in an aggressive manner yelling at both his dadda and myself.  He’s picking up new words and expressions like “How DARE you?"every day and practises them on us which can be very provocative, especially when I’m so incredibly tired.  Marley’s absolute favorite form of play is fantasy which usually involves him taking on a pseudo psycho persona which allows him to run amok.  Despite all of this he’s still beautifully cuddly and charming.  He delights me with stories and songs and is becoming increasingly independent.  It’s been a bumpy month for us I’d say.

Remy 2 months old

It’s as though a veil has lifted.  Remy’s eye lock on mine and he smiles.  He is able to get his hand to his mouth, kicks wildly and grins as he coo’s at me. He has continued to roll from his front to his back and is growing rapidly.  He feeds every 2-3 hrs with this last week changing to regular 2 hourly feeds.  He’s waking more at night now.  After beginning to stretch his sleeps to almost 4 hours, he’s now back to waking 2-3 hourly in the nights leading me to believe he might be about to have a growth spurt.  I can’t say whether he’s an easy or a difficult baby at this point, he just changes too quickly.
I’m incredibly tired and worn thin between feeds and disciplining Marley. 

Motherhood 3 yrs & 6 mths on!

My beautiful boys.

Marley 3 years 6 months

The best word to describe Marley would be charismatic.  He bounds into creche dripping with confidence and announces “Marley’s here” as he holds his arms outstretched.  He has many friends and is obviously adored by the staff.  He’s funny and charming and very cheeky using exaggerated facial expressions to draw attention.  His speech is polite and he has impeccable manners as he speaks to his peers and to adults. “I’m berry well tank you”.  What I think contributes to his charm is the direct and confident eye contact he makes with whomever it is he speaks.  I smile with pride as I watch my little boy bounding with positive energy.  He’s such a beautiful soft and gentle soul and we just adore him with all of our hearts. 
He sings the alphabet but sometimes sings “A B C D F AND G” instead of “E F G” which of course makes us smile.  I find it near impossible to give a clear impression of Marley in this snap shot… he just amazes us with his outgoing and positive attitude.  Now on the flip side, he’s been really challenging us more recently, both before and especially since Remy’s arrival.  He adores his brother smothering him with kisses and cuddles and is very helpful to me running to get nappies.  He listens to Tim and I as we comfort Remy and uses the same cues, it’s funny to hear Marley comforting Remy with “Baa ba ba” and rubbing his tiny feet when he’s upset, BUT, he really has been pushing the limits as of late.  He goes through stages, one day he’s super sweet and just couldn’t be an easier child and the next he takes on one of his hero personalities that he’s been playing with recently and becomes very difficult.  He watches ABC in the mornings and loves “Sportacus” from “Lazy Town” and randomly becomes Sportacus.  His behaviour is at it’s worst when he becomes “Cookie Monster”.  I say, “Marley, you’re not listening!” and he replies “I’m not Marley I’m Cookie Monster” as if that explains and justifies the behaviour.  Yes, I’d have to say his over active imagination contributes to some pretty poor behaviours on some days. 
His eyes are blood shot lately, I suspect that Remy’s midnight cries are effecting his sleep too.  He still has his afternoon sleeps thankfully, usually just an hour or so but he certainly still needs it, and so do I.  Marley loves nothing better than to play alongside his ‘friend’ of choice.... this could be an adult or child.  He just loves engaging others and particularly likes to “host” the party should we have visitors.  He happily shows visitors around the house and shares his toys but is disappointed if playmates don’t engage in activities he chooses… for example, if he wants to play with the Dr’s set and his friend doesn’t engage in that activity, he will actively try to encourage them and it all ends in disappointment in the form of tears should an adult have to intervene.  I can see that Marley’s going to love it as Remy gets big enough to play with him, especially when Remy is able to laugh at him.  So much to enjoy and look forward to.

Remy 4 Weeks on
Remy’s given a couple of little smiles but they’re very hard to get out of him! His eyes are so bright and alert.  He loves to suck his hands and is such a strong baby!  He rolled at 4 days of age from his stomach to his back and this was caught on video at 6 days of age.  He rolls over this same way pretty much every time I place him on his tummy.  He’s getting chubby now although he’s still only on the 25th percentile.  At 4 weeks 2 days he weighs 3855g and was 53.5cm in length.  He’s such a good feeder, very efficient and getting quicker all the time.  He’s feeding every 2-3 hours including night feeds and I’m ready to start thinking about getting him into a routine of sorts to help to lengthen his/our night sleeps. 
For me being a new mum has been much more difficult this time around.  Remy is essentially a very easy baby, easy in every way, especially easy to love; but having two children really does involve quite some juggling which my brain is simply unable to do at this time, I’m just sooooo tired and am barely able to get in the shower let alone shave my legs or get time online.  It’s difficult.  I’m shocked by how obviously my brain and thought processes have been effected by this life change.  Reading Marley’s journal I find that he was sleeping 6-8 hours at night by this point so it’s no surprise that I’m feeling more exhausted this time.  Remy snuggles into me so wonderfully.  He smells yummy, feels soft and beautiful and can make me laugh out loud in the middle of the night when I’m thoroughly exhausted and his eyes are as wide and bright as a possum’s.  He reminds me of a possum by the way he grips onto me and hungrily scrambles to find a nipple, clawing me with his every growing sharp little finger nails in the process.  He grunts angrily if I offer him my breast without the nipple shield he’s come to expect and pushes his face deep into my breast rooting for the last drops of milk while his stomach is obviously aching with wind or over-full pains.  He bashes, pushes, growls and grunts like a wild animal, he draws at the breast like a smoker who’s been without a cigarette for too long.  He drags his nails across my nipples in the fight to get his own fist into his mouth, knocking my milk filled nipple shield flying.  He finishes each and every feed with milk dripping from his mouth and in a drugged like state with a very full belly.  He loves the booby and doesn’t like to wait.  He’s such a ferocious feeder.  Luckily my milk supply is very good but my nipples do cop a beating from time to time.  He knows me, he likes to be held and much prefers to sleep in my bed than in his bassinet.  He HATES being swaddled and will grunt and kick his way out of his blankets where ever possible.  He loves looking at new things, loves going into rooms he’s not familiar with and just staring at everything.  He turns to our voices now and kicks wildly before crying if he wants to be picked up.  He mostly expects milk from me and is often better settled by Tim than me.
He’s a yummy little man who’s fattening up beautifully.  His eyes seem to be so much more alert and seem to be getting brighter, making a clear connection with me.  I can’t get smiles out of him easily, the only smiles I’ve received are when I’ve kissed him repeatedly on the lips and said “kisses” in a sing song voice to him.  I can’t kiss my baby enough.  He’s so beautiful. Tim’s got one more week left at home.

Remy’s birth story.

Part One… written a week after the event.

This time last week I was trying to contain my excitement and surprise as I kept glancing up at the digital clock to check how far apart my contractions were.  The contractions were much stronger than any I’d had to this point but I was still fairly convinced that our baby wasn’t going to come for at least another week and that these contractions were just sent to test me.  Having already had a false start the week before, I wasn’t about to be fooled again. 

The labour pains woke me properly from 1:00 am and I tried to ignore them.  At 2am I checked for signs of a show and found nothing; more confirmation that this was just a tease, a trap that I refused to be drawn into.  I turned on the computer and made a note of events in my journal.  3am I took panadeine forte grabbed a hotty and went back to bed hoping to sleep for the next couple of hours.  The contractions intensified and I remember saying to Tim around 4am that he should sleep in the spare room because I still wasn’t entirely convinced that these pains wouldn’t just disappear despite their strength and the fact that they were now coming every 10-15 minutes. Tim reheated my hotty which was wonderfully soothing on my back but by 5am I needed to get in the bath. 

My contractions stepped up a notch in pace and pain but the water was soothing.  My fears were now constant.  Fear that the contractions would stop and fearing the arrival of the next one.  I told Tim to ring Maria and then said to call the hospital.  A midwife said to see how I go over the next hour if I was already comfortable in the bath – no problems, except that in the next 10 minutes I had 3 contractions and things were obviously moving along fairly quickly. 

Tim rang the hospital again to tell them we were coming in.  By the time Maria arrived, it must’ve been 5:30am, the contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes and were much more intense.  I started to cry when I saw Maria.  She could see this was the real deal and helped me as I dressed for the hospital.  My beautiful friend, I just love her so much.  We left the house excited in the knowledge this baby was coming and that I’d done so well to stay at home as long as I had already.  I felt so proud of myself and how I’d managed the pain so far. 

Part Two… written 10 days after the birth.

Tim had to endure my cries and screams in the car in between completely lucid and even jovial moments as we drove to the hospital and the contractions got stronger.  As we arrived Tim paused politely to let a pedestrian walk across the road despite there not being a green man… I just said ‘I hope you’re not stopping for that man! You’d better not be stopping for a stranger who’s not in labour!!!’, he drove through and pulled up.  I got out of the car just as another contraction hit and had to stand on the footpath bracing myself against the pain, embarrassed that hospital car park staff who were having their cigarette’s nearby were watching me as I howled.  In the emergency room they didn’t wait long before buzzing me through and the contractions were so quick now that I was barely able to catch my breath.  It was horrible to say the least but I felt really so good about my progress and how well I’d managed the pain up to this point.  It was all perfect, Marley was unaware of my pain as he slept soundly, Maria had arrived quickly and I didn’t disturb her in the middle of the night, I’d spent time in the bath which was a part of my plan and Tim was home and by my side when I went into labour and I was now at the hospital.  This though is where it soon started too go wrong for me.

I was put in a wheel chair and wheeled straight up to the birth suite. The midwife who took me up made some comment about hoping a contraction would come on so that the staff would see I was in labour, I wasn’t worried about that, I was quickly becoming more fearful that I’d contract rather than fearful it’d all stop.  The pain was in my back and in my hips and I knew it was because Sparky was in a posterior position.  In my research and reading as I tried to prepare myself for the birth, at the end of the ‘Birth Skills by Juju Sundin’ book, she’d devoted a whole chapter to posterior positions and pain.  All the way through the book it talks about embracing the pain as ‘good pain’ and that it’s the uterus contracting and the cervix opening and to use a variety of skills to manage the pain and to help to get your head around it.  I really devoted a lot of my mind energy to this book and with the last chapter, it pretty much said that the pain of a posterior birth is ‘bad pain’ and should be approached differently because it’s pain that comes when something’s not quite right.  Well, with that mindset, I’d taken in loads of props to help me manage the pain but wasn’t able to deal with the ‘bad pain’.  The first thing Tim did in the birth suite was stick up my affirmations on the wall.

The midwife gave me gas and air, I went to the loo, no sign of a show which I was surprised and disappointed by.  I felt more comfortable on the loo, just the same as when I was labouring with Marley. I was able to joke happily, I was excited between contractions at that point.  As I sucked on gas and air Tim helped me a lot by counting me through the contractions, he’d somehow landed at a great pace to help me rock with his counting and kept me on a mental path that the contraction would soon be over. I glanced up at my affirmations, nothing, no inspiration what so ever, the pain was getting worse still. I remembered labouring with Marley and how much Tim’s hand on my back soothed me and that at one point in the shower the water had felt like it had scalded my back suddenly; well, now I felt that Tim’s hand was going from soothing to scalding me and I just didn’t know if I wanted him to touch me or not.  Soon I was strapped up to a monitor which I wore for the remainder of the labour.  I was yet to be examined internally and that’s where it really went bad for me.  The midwife announced that I was just 2cm dilated and I nearly fainted.  I had asked the midwife previously how dilated she guessed I’d be and she said 5cm, another midwife said 7cm.  I was so very upset by that and simply couldn’t understand how I could be contracting so hard, regularly and painfully and have only got to 2cm.  It was so hard to take, thinking of it makes me cry.  I sucked at the gas and air which I’d felt so helpful in Marley’s birth but because I’d started to panic I wasn’t breathing it all the way through the contractions and it was ineffective.  I had my stress balls which I used, I stamped my feet, tried to get into good positions to encourage baby to move, I used my breathing, I visualised, I vocalised beyond belief and in the end it felt like someone was holding buckets of hot oil and throwing them over my back and hips and even that thought caused me to feel guilty as I started to think about the burning victims of the bush fires.  It was horrible.  I couldn’t find any relief between contractions because I was so fearful of the next one, I just felt like I wanted to run away and die and there was no one who could or would help me.  I asked for (no I demanded) an epidural over and over again.  The Ob came in soon and examined me again saying I’m barely 3cm and that he won’t give me an epidural because if I have one, the labour won’t progress.  I kept saying “I can’t do this!!” and my midwife was saying “yes you can” but I felt she wasn’t hearing me, I honestly COULDN’T do it, so each time she said that I was more irritated. I knew I had miles to go and that the intensity would only increase and my cries were becoming screams of terror that just remembering brings tears to my eyes.

A shift change bought with it a midwife who was able to calm me.  She spoke to me very gently and soothed me through telling me I had to breath the gas and air all the way through the contraction for it to be effective.  It helped a bit but not for long.  She just bought me down to a calmer level though and made me focus on my breathing.  God it was hard.  I kept thinking about Sparky’s position.  In between contractions I’d ask ‘what position will help move the baby?’ and the other midwife kept saying ‘Don’t worry about the baby’s position, just deal with the contractions as they come’.  It didn’t make sense to me.  I felt that if I had an epidural it’d help me to relax and baby would have a better chance of turning and I was dumbfounded that they were saying no to my request for an epidural, I felt that he was making me choose, either suffer the pain or have a CS.  I felt like he wanted me to VBAC.  At this point I still wanted the choice.  I was frustrated, fearful, and almost delirious with the pain.  I couldn’t argue my case.  I didn’t understand why an epidural was out of the question.  He gave me pethadine, the injection hit a tiny vein and caused a huge bruise which the midwife apologised for, I couldn’t have cared less.  The pethadine did nothing to help me and I kept begging for an epidural. 

Sparky was going into distress now and I wanted to push.  The midwife kept telling me not to push but it was near impossible not to.  This is another effect of the posterior position as baby’s head pushes on the back and bowel.  The Ob suspected Remy had the cord wrapped around his body and his heart rate was dropping dramatically, unable to recover between contractions as they were coming so fast.  He kept saying to me that he was much more worried about the baby at this point and somehow that didn’t worry me too much, I don’t know why, I suppose I felt so distressed already and I thought if he were that worried he’d whip me off for a C. Section.  Throughout my next contractions instead of asking for an epidural I was asking for a caesarian by mistake...mixing my words.  A couple of contractions later I turned pleadingly to Tim asking him to tell them I want a C. Section, he asked if I was sure that’s what I wanted “YES!!!” “NOW!!!!!!!!!” The Ob said he felt that it was the right decision and that he was about to tell me that’s what we ought to do based on the fact that my contractions weren’t allowing Remy to recover and he was worried about the baby being in distress.  He was standing at the foot of my bed telling me I’d done a great job and that I shouldn’t let the fact it’s resulting in a C.Section upset me....all the while I was just thinking ‘GET ON WITH IT!!! NOW!!! YES YES YES, SHUT UP, BLOCK THIS PAIN’.  They first gave me something to slow my contractions so that Remy could recover.  That was very much appreciated but it didn’t last long enough.  I kept asking, nagging, begging for the spinal block.  Asking for the anaesthetist, wanting to know if he/she was coming.  I was told that it’d all take place in the theatre.  I began asking when we were going to theatre.  The contractions were coming more intensely again.  They gave Tim some theatre garb and that lightened my heart, I knew it wouldn’t be long now.  They slid me across to the theatre bed, another wonderful sign the pain would stop soon.  It all seemed to take forever.  The hospital staff were all fantastic, they were lovely and I felt apologetic for being so demanding in my approach.  I really had been very demanding yelling at them that I want an epidural NOW and I was embarrassed that I’d not been able to cope with the pain.  I really did fall apart with it all and felt incredibly weak.  Now I was trying very hard not to go there again as the contractions increased , I was so very scared.  Not at all scared of the C.Section, scared of the pain of the contractions.  They took some time putting the spinal block in and we were counting down my contractions “this should be your last one”...oops, off I went again..."Now this will be your last one” GOODBYE HORRIBLE CONTRACTIONS!!! Hello wonderful tingling warm legs, heavy, relaxed tired body, easing mind heart and soul.  I was happy again, I was so incredibly relieved and thankful.  I swore at that moment that I will never again labour.  If I were to fall pregnant again I’d book myself in for a C.S without a doubt. 

I knew it’d be painful and that it wasn’t what I’d hoped for but my experience this time was so much more painful than labour should be.  Tim sat by my head as the caesar took place, he held my hand and the realisation we would soon meet our 2nd child fell upon me.  I was calm, the staff were wonderful, I felt well looked after and Tim had warned them that my blood pressure went very low last time and I’d lost a lot of blood.  They gave me medication to help with this and I felt much better in so many ways.  We waited patiently, chatted with the anaesthetist about Marley and about how long we’d tried for this baby. 

The procedure took about 20 minutes because I had a lot of scar tissue from the previous caesarian which the Ob cut out and before much longer but after many reminders from me for Tim to have the camera ready, we heard his cry.  Once again, a wonderful wonderful moment that is a real highlight for me.  That moment before you know anything about that baby other than the fact they’re alive and well and on the outside.  Tim and I looked at eachother and began to cry.  Our little man was held up over the curtain and all I could see of him was a very pink and very large scrotum and penis. 


I was delighted to say the least.  Somehow the thought of having a brother for Marley was especially heart warming and I’d had such a strong belief that Sparky was a boy that I wasn’t at all surprised.  He was (is) beautiful and so new to me.  His agpar score was 9 and after his vitamin K and having Tim cut the cord, he was placed across my chest.  Heavenly.  What a glorious feeling to say the least. 

I looked at his eyes, they were different to Marley’s, more almond shaped, to me he looked totally different to either Tim or I and surpringly different to Marley.  His hair was dark, that was the biggest surprise and his nostrils flared and wide.  He had Marley’s little chin, similar to his brother but still so different.  I was filled with love for this tiny wee man immediately.  I still couldn’t see his face properly and his eyes were closed unlike Marley who was looking around the place wildly. 

I kissed Remy over and over taking in his beautiful warm soft skin, so very tiny and so perfect in every way.  What a wonderful thing to have waited so long, been through so much pain and agony and to finally have this beautiful little man in my arms, all mine.  A new member of our family to love and cherish.



They took a long time sewing me up and while I was able to hold Remy for quite a while, they eventually sent him off with Tim to be weighed and measured… this was Tim’s time.

I was sent to recovery after that and remained there for about 30 minutes, all the while talking about my beautiful boy and how much I longed to hold him to my breast.  Eventually I was delivered to the ward.  I was itching like crazy, a response to the operation.  Thankfully my legs were still numb and I felt no pain for a while yet. Tim brought Remy to me, the nurse undressed him and placed him on my chest.  I wanted to try the breast crawl with him, enabling our baby to find his own way to my nipple but despite his efforts, I didn’t have the patience in the end and placed him there myself.  He was eager to feed immediately and I was so grateful to see he didn’t have a tongue tie.  It all came back quickly to me with every experience taking me back in time to when Marley was born.  I couldn’t help but think of Marley and make comparisons, although Remy just seemed so different to Marley, a new baby altogether and another truly beautiful little man. 




Tim stayed with me for the biggest part of the day before dropping into work and eventually picking Marley up to meet his brother.  Marley burst into the room saying “OH WOW!!!!!” but I think that was at seeing me in the bed.  Remy was in the crib and it was only when we pointed him out that Marley noticed him. 




Marley said ‘he’s tiny’ and was happy to have a hold of his brother but wasn’t sure what he thought of him.  He gave him a kiss at our request and said ‘ewwww, he’s too tiny!’. 
Marley received a gift from Remy, a Toby windmill which then took all of Marley’s interest.


Since Remy’s arrival we’ve all been through the wringer, not because he’s a difficult child, he’s quite the opposite, a very easy, calm and text book baby.  He’s a beautiful boy, both of my boys are.  It’s more that I felt quite traumatised by the labour and it’s taken me a while to regain my memory and to get my head together.  Healing from the operation has been slow too, especially considering they’d cut away scar tissue and I’ve not been able to take anti-inflamatories.  My tail bone swelled up also with the way Remy was lying and pushing inside of me, so I’ve been very sore and sorry for myself.  Having a new born has been a shock too.  We’d forgotten how much washing there is and simply didn’t have clothes small enough to fit our tiny boy.  Of course this has all impacted on Marley and Tim and thankfully Tim has 6 weeks off as we adjust to our new family of 4.  We’ve had the influx of visitors and things are slowing down now.  My head is clearer, breast feeding is well established and Marley is back into some kind of routine and very accepting of his new baby brother.  He kisses Remy each morning and helps me to get things for the baby.  He’s adapting well now, we all are.

A week after Remy’s birth I stood in the shower deep in thought, reflecting on the huge leap between being pregnant and having a newborn.  I’m eternally grateful for our littlest boy who would have never come to exist had it not been for the help of ivf and the medical intervention that took place the day he was born.  Thank god we were born into this day and age.

I am astounded at the love that I hold for my children and I asked Tim the day Remy was born why I would love him as much as I do when I really don’t know him.  ‘Because he’s your child’, plain and simple.

Motherhood 3 yrs & 5 mths on!

Motherhood has taken on a new shape for me.  I’m now a mother of two; a 3.5mth old and a newborn.  This has been surprisingly difficult for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew it’d be hard, but I feel like I’ve been inside a whirly twirly machine that’s spun me around so much that I simply don’t know up from down and my days are melting one into the other.  Today is Remy’s due date, he’s 8 days old and he’s such an easy baby.  Marley is adjusting to having a baby brother, someone to compete with for attention.  He’s doing better each day but has been slow to warm up to his baby brother and with the huge stimulus of hospital visitors, missing his Mumma, visitors, gifts, Dadda being home, a crankier than usual Mumma and a new baby, he’s been through the same whirly twirly machine and has really needed a firm approach.  Difficult for me when I’m physcially still healing from a C. Section and simply can’t lift him.  So my updates will come in 2 parts now. 

Marley 3 yrs & 5 Months old

Marley’s language amazes us.  Yesterday I was teary and Marley asked ‘What’s wrong Mumma?’, I said “I miss cuddles with Marley, I miss you so much Mar” Marley put his hand to my face, wiped away my tears and said “Don’t cry Mumma, I got a idea!!!! Mumma come sit on a couch with Marley a watch Sesame St”. Brilliant suggestion on his part and it certainly cheered me up getting to cuddle with my little man.  It’s clear who was being the nurturer in this interaction, not me.  I’m so proud of my big boy, he’s so clever and has a brilliant sense of humour.  He’s coping pretty well with these massive changes and has developed the most wonderful ability negotiate and if all else fails, debate.  He covers his ears with his hands when we tell him off and he’s quick to cover our mouths with his hands to stop the words coming out in the first place.  He’s cheeky! He has claimed Remy as “Mine brother” and happily helps me with little jobs, running to get nappies, to give messages to Dadda and tries to soothe Remy when he cries by gently ‘shhsss’ing him and rubbing his belly or head.  Marley is tending to be either incredibly helpful or defiant at this point.  He understands so much more these days and is brilliant at communicating his needs now.  He’s a good eater, independent dresser, doesn’t wear nappies at all anymore and his imagination is his biggest tool of play. 

He has extensive phone conversations with family and friends and his manners are outstanding.  He says things like “Sorry?” when he can’t hear what someone says.  He has such a good understanding and good memory for things.  I heard him count backward from 10 the other day and I regularly hearing singing songs in a really good tone for his age.  He makes up songs and adores it when I do the same.  He has little tunes that go with different things, for example he hums a tune he’s made up each and every time he plays with my necklace.  It’s the same tune and he hums it only when he plays with my necklace, funny boy.  I really am keen to see how his relationship with Remy develops. I wish I could bottle this time, it’s magical.

Remy 8 days old

Remy is a gentle soul.  An excellent feeder and generally a calm and easy baby.  He was born a tiny 6lb 5oz, 48.5cm long and via emergency C. Section after being in a posterior...birth story to follow shortly.  At 4 days he rolled from his stomach to his back, this was on the bed and I didn’t quite believe it’d happened so I ignored it thinking perhaps the surface wasn’t entirely flat.  Two later (6 days of age) he rolled without doubt and I was able to catch it on video.  He did the same again the next day and we have been totally amazed by this.  He feeds like a champion and had put on 70g in 2 days and then 2 days later he’d put on another 100g! So, he’s certainly thriving on my breast milk which is a huge relief for me.  I really wanted to breast feed and am just so pleased to have an obviously good milk supply.  I was able to express 120ml 2 nights ago and then went on to feed him straight after, so there’s no question my milk supply is good.  I dreamt of how it would feel to hold my new baby to my breast and to explore his tiny hands, feet, his entire body.  I am loving this time with my littlest man, learning who he is and feeling so much motherly love for both of my children.  Sparky is easily contented and generally only cries if he’s hungry, has wind or has a dirty nappy.  He sleeps for a couple of hours at a time and feeds for 5-20 mins each feed.  Most of my time is spent trying to burp him as he tends to overfill on milk to the point of having milk come out of his nostrils.  He started to choke on milk and mucus the other night and this is apparently due to the fact that my milk is so abundant and he is getting too windy with gulping it down. 
I can’t believe how much and how intensely I love him.  I wonder how it is that all he has to do is exist and I love him unconditionally.  I could just stare and stare at him and every little sound he makes, every windy smile and every time he purses his lips I smile.  I love that he looks so much like Marley but is still so different to Marley.  He has darker hair and more hair, he has a finer featured face and more almond shaped eyes.  He is truly a beautiful little man and I cannot believe how lucky I am to have my 2 gorgeous little men whom I just love with all of my heart.  I’m so lucky.

Motherhood 3 yrs & 4 mths on!

Oh what a lad.  Funny funny boy that he is.  Marley’s expressive use of language and imagination is very funny, we’re well entertained.  I think this is the way things just are now, just that he’s funny, musical, imaginative, confident and strong willed and there’s no changing any of that, not that I’d want to anyway.  He’s lovely but not always.  When overtired he becomes a little monster.... an expressive little monster but even that mostly manages to put a smile on our faces. 

I’ve been dreading sending him back to child care, not because he doesn’t like it but that I will (and do) miss him.  I’ve really enjoyed our precious one on one time together and with the baby’s due date so near, I know the family dynamic is about to change so dramatically.  Of course it’ll be a wonderful change but I can’t help but feel a little nostalgic about this precious time with my baby boy, I just love him so much more than words can say.  I can’t believe I’m so close to having our 2nd baby and can’t help but feel guilty for Marley that his world is about to change; although I’m certain he will adore his baby brother or sister.

Marley is very social, confident, and loving.  He makes me incredibly proud as I watch him interact with other children, managing a balance between being quietly gentle and a self assured leader.  He isn’t drawn into conflict but isn’t afraid of it either.  He’s both noisy and quiet, easy and difficult, interactive and a loner.  He loves to play cricket, tennis, football, anything sporty really.  He loves to sing and dance and enjoys stories and is wildly imaginative in his play.  He especially likes to play alongside his Mum and Dad and endeavours to engage adult interaction in whatever he does but is happy to play alone as well.  He’s going to love having a little brother or sister and will be a wonderful big brother.  This is such an exciting time.  I wonder if I will post again before baby Sparky arrives? 

Motherhood 3 yrs & 3 mths on!

My beautiful little man.  I just adore him SO MUCH! He’s yummy and delicious and cuddly and kissy and just the love of my life.  Every day he comes up with new ways to make me laugh and he’s not even trying, he’s just funny through and through.  Today after being sent back to bed on numerous occasions, when I finally thought he was asleep I turned to see him standing in the door way with hands held up as dog paws and panting at me with his tongue hanging out.  All I could do was laugh, pat him on the head, give him a kiss and tell him puppy dogs need to sleep too.  That was 35 minutes ago and I’m yet to hear from him so I think that might have been his last effort.  At least he got a laugh out of me.

Marley leaps around the house, rolling, jumping, bounding, reaching, hopping, running, hanging and climbing.  He is testing his physical capabilities and seems impressed by his own strength and ability.  Along with his physical prowess his imagination is taking centre stage.  His imagination has been fertile for some months now but is developing rapidly and consists in depths of layers involving voices, characters, places, emotions and utilising those around him to make up his script.  He plays cricket with an imaginary bat and ball, passes me imaginary gloves and is always happy to share his imaginary bat swapping it between players for each bowl.  He waves to the fielders saying ‘hello man’ and passes me the gloves to play wicket keeper when he’s playing with Tim.  He plays cricket with baby ‘Farky’ passing the bat to my belly but I’m starting to think it’s just a way of getting me to engage in his imaginary play for a little longer as he appeals to baby ‘Farky’ just as I’m about to give up the game.  He’s doing that at sleep time too.  When I’m about to leave him for the night he says “Hello baby Farky”, or “mumma can I feel baby Farky?”. 

Marley likes to do things in patterns.  I’m not sure if he’s holding true to his virgo sign or it’s just a funny little Marley thing.  He gets a set on how things are done, and is determined to do things as he see’s it should be.  I try to break the mold as often as possible because I don’t think that this kind of mind set is necessarily good but luckily for me he has a very rounded approach otherwise.  I’m loving hearing his vocabulary expand on a daily basis and learn about his quirks.  He never fails to surprise me and I’m sure he’s going to absolutely love being a big brother when the baby arrives.  I think a sibling is going to come in absolutely perfect timing.

Marley loves Thomas the Tank and can name most if not all of the engines discerning them each based on the tiniest of specifications.  He plays at his train table daily and is also enjoying his new bike which Santa gave him.  It’s not been a very easy month to be honest.  I’ve had some of my worst behavioural issues with Marley yet but that seems to have been influenced simply by my lack of patience, tiredness and pelvic instability causing me to be more irritable.  I’ve changed my approach and he’s responding beautifully now.  I think with Christmas coming up and the related pressures that having Tim home for 4 days has also been a big help.  Marley’s been great.  He’s bordering on not needing a day sleep now.  I’m cautious about simpy dropping it.  He gets so tired and cranky if he misses his sleep and honestly I still enjoy that little break in the day and I’m well aware that when baby Sparky arrives it’d be easier if I could manage to have 1 or both sleeping in the afternoons if only for a short while.  I suppose I’ll just wait and see.  If I were really concerned I’d be waking him early each morning but at this point he sleeps until about 8:30am uninterrupted and goes to bed at 8:00pm.

I’ve been working on opposites with him and recently he’s been using it against me.  I say ‘no Marley it’s too hot to play outside’ and he says ‘it’s not too hot! it’s too cold!!’.  He now knows and recites his full name and address which is something I simply haven’t taught him up to this point.  I honestly think he’s that clever that he’d even be able to remember his phone number if I were to bother trying to teach it to him.  He recites books by rote and I don’t mean little books, long audio books that he listens to at nights.  He amazes and makes me incredibly proud.  Gosh I love him.  I don’t care if Sparky’s a boy or a girl but I don’t think people believe me when I say that.  The truth is that I know how in love I am with my little boy, how could I be disappointed to have another one?  Christmas was extra special this year because Marley was so much more aware of what was going on.  I didn’t get around to getting a Santa pic done which is disappointing but he did see the Myer windows and ride the Christmas train at the city Myer.  Somehow lining up for 2 hours didn’t appeal to my already failing hips.  Somehow I don’t think he missed out though I’m looking forward to our next Christmas with young Sparky pulling him/herself up against the furniture and Marley excited to put carrots out for the reindeers and to decorate the tree.  Life just keeps getting better.

Motherhood 3 yrs & 2 mths on!

It’s like Marley’s personality has been on simmer until now and these days he’s just BOILING!!! He’s always shown signs he might be funny but I couldn’t have guessed that he’d be as funny and as outgoing as he is.  He still has his subtleties and uses simple cues like expressions, big wild eyes and eyebrows raised or the complete opposite but overall he is incredibly confident, creative and funny.  He has absolutely no hesitation in talking to other children and if they won’t engage he persists even to the point of chasing them until it ends in a big game with both children laughing. 

Marleyisms as of late....

“My name’s not Marley, my name is BURGERS”, and refusing to answer to anything other than Burgers.
“N O spells YES”
I say “no you won’t” and he says “yes I whar” until I correct him and say “will” and he then says “yes I will, NO spells YES”.
In the car, “Go go go Mumma!!!!!, faster faster faster!!!!!”, “Watch out mate!”
I sing to Marley “Mumma loves Marley do do do doo de doooh” (to the tune of Mumma loves Mambo) and Marley responds “Marley loves chocolate do do do doo de doooo”.
I use a new approach capitalising on Thomas the tank engine “Thomas says NO” , Marley responds immediately “Gordon says yes!”
I ask ‘is Hayley a girl or a boy?’, Marley looks straight at her breasts and says ‘girl’.
Marley cuddled me in bed stroking my face and hair and said “you’re a little prince”.  (not something I say to him).
Kissing my back when I have a sore back. ("Kiss a better")
Lying in bed with me and ever so gently prying my eyelids open.  I hold a serious face but my stomach starts moving with the laughter and Marley repsonds “it’s funny Mumma, isn’t it”.
Doing a nudey run at child care
Running away from carers laughing as they chase him and hiding under the table.
loves puppets and delights in the thought of inanimate objects coming to life.
When I’m cross with him Marley says “Mumma’s cross a Marley” holds my face and says “Mumma happy??” Grrrr!!!

Offering me choices…
Marley ‘ah....Mumma??
me (I must answer before he continues...yes Marley?)
Marley “Marley say hello to Thomas or Cranky, which one?”
me ‘um, Cranky’
Marley “HELLO CRANKY”
me in my best cranky voice “hello Marley”
Marley “What a doing today?”
and so on.  This happens about 20 times a day but includes all Thomas the tank characters, the Australian flag, Buzz light year, Fingers, Hayley, the mail man, pretty much anyone and anything.

Singing.  “Mumma? sing a ball”
me..."ball ball bouncing ball bouncing short and bouncing tall”
Mumma? sing a Thomas.
“Thomas Thomas chug along the track” Marley in a sing song voice sings “and Cranky” almost like a backing vocalist. 
All songs are made up on the spot and the tunes could go in any direction.  Marley is very confident in making up songs and his recall is very fast, actually much faster than mine as he adds character names to the lyrics.  Every single thing is a song to Marley.  He also sings Bob the builder and other songs clearly now.

Mumma lets play.... cricket (imaginary ball and bat)
Mumma lets play...."Come here” (a game where he says Come here and pulls me onto the bed with him, cuddles me, pats my hair and says ‘are you alright?’.
Mumma lets play...."fingers" ("hello fingers, what a doing today?” fingers go walking and talking to each other).
Mumma lets play...."I love you” where you all we do is say “I love you” and cuddle.

Eating
He eats pretty much anything.  Loves olives, mashed potato, milo, apple juice, bread with no butter or topping...just straight out of the bag, apples, yoghurt and ice cream or icypoles.

Sparky
Marley talks to Sparky but just gets a bit bored by the talk and the long wait which is no surprise.  After seeing another mum breast feed her baby he became very interested in my breasts even trying to have a little drink LOL, he knows the baby will drink milk from Mumma’s breasts.  He’s been spotted breast feeding a doll at child care and talks about dreams of Sparky.  When I ask if Sparky’s a boy or a girl he says Sparky’s a girl but has a doodle so he seems to be covering all bases there.  I introduced Marley to Sparky’s teddy bear ‘Sunny’.  Sunny is an exact replica of Marley’s bear ‘Minty’ except that he wears yellow rather than green.  Marley was fascinated by Sunny and said “Marley’s is not green minty, Marley’s is yellow Sunny” to which I responded smiling ‘No, yellow Sunny is Sparky’s teddy, green Minty is Marley’s”.  Later I found Marley in Sparky’s cradle cuddled up to both Sunny and Minty.  He seems to understand that Sunny is Sparky’s and I allow him to cuddle Sunny but he always has to go back into Sparky’s cradle. 

Our little man’s vocab has expanded incredibly and he has so clearly been storing so much information to this point.  He understands many opposites… if i ask him what’s the opposite to hot he says cold, and so on.  He understands ‘feelings’ better being aware of other people’s feelings and reading faces.  He responds to hurt with cuddles and kisses and gently approaches us to ask if we’re okay.  He is an incredibly sensitive soul.  He’s charming and funny and cute and loving with delicious cuddles and such softness in his approach sometimes that he just makes me melt of the spot.  His eye contact is direct and intense and when he strokes my face looking into my eyes lovingly I feel like the luckiest person alive.  He’s just such a yummy little man and I love seeing his development as his personality unfolds.  I only hope he doesn’t lose this wonderful confidence that oozes from him as he gets older and becomes more self critical.

Tim and I are just so very lucky.

Motherhood 3 yrs & 1 mth on!

Our baby boy is such a wonderful addition to our family...he just fills us up so very much and to know we have another one on the way is just incredible.  Marley’s talking so much now.  He’s become incredibly chatty but we still get comments from people who see him for short periods and mistakenly think he’s quiet.  He sings but mostly he makes up his own songs, he’s also big on dancing.  He’s as cheeky as can be but not to the point of rudeness, but then maybe he is rude and I’m just wearing my mummy goggles.  Who knows?
I’ve really been so late to post this latest update on Marley and he’s going through some of his biggest changes right now so I’m finding it hard to recall what he was up to at this point.  I’ve been working full time in Marley’s room at creche and Marley’s gone from 2-3 days to 5 full days a week.  He’s coped surprisingly well and his language skills are just developing so much more quickly.  He finds it easier to go to creche each day rather than having gaps in his days and I find it easier to work there while my boy’s in the same room.  We’re both very lucky.  I’ll have a much bigger and more detailed update in a couple of weeks when I get to include all that’s been happening just recently.  Such a funny child.

Happy 3rd Birthday to our beautiful boy!

Marley is 3.  He is opinionated, impatient, can be loud and bad tempered, he’s quiet, gentle, active and outgoing. He is all of those things and completely adorable.  Our tiny baby has grown to fill our lives in areas we didn’t know needed filling and now we have this wonderful little boy who saves the really special stuff just for us.  People see snippets of who he is but we’re so blessed to see the lot.  I’m sure most parents think that about their child.  As I lay in bed this morning, Marley giggled while trying to blow raspberries in my cleavage as I fought him off, he almost had me in tears of laughter.  What a precious gift a child is, I can only shake my head at how deeply we love our beautiful boy Marley. 
I’ve been holding quite a lot of dread recently, it’s been in my gut.  I’ve been feeling that something would happen to Marley.  I felt it in the days before he scolded himself on my tea (a year ago) and I felt it leading up when he cut his face on the corner edge of my bed.  Yesterday morning before his party Marley pulled a stool over to the kitchen bench, the stool scud out from beneath him and he hit his face on the edge of the bench top.  I ran into the kitchen to his cries, he held his hands over his mouth and nose area and the fear of what I couldn’t yet see made me sick to my gut.  He did cut himself very near to the scar under his nose but luckily the cut runs with the line just under his nostril.  I think the thing is that amazes me is that feeling of dread I’ve experienced on each of these occasions.  I really had to calm myself afterward and in that moment I was taken straight back to when Marley was hurt so badly last year.  So far for each year around his birthday there’s been some kind of injury which may account for that dread I’ve felt.  The day after his 1st b’day he managed to cut the top of his head requiring stitches, either side of his 2nd b’day he cut his face below the lip and his arm was scolded by hot tea and then yesterday on his 3rd b’day his fall and resulting cries had me very concerned it was going to be another big injury, thankfully it wasn’t.  It’s part of parenting, the worry that you feel with the fact that you can’t always assure their safety. 

I’m so incredibly grateful for our big 3 year old boy.  His imaginative play has taken on new bounds and his ability to communicate brings a whole new level of fun to our lives. He doesn’t cope very well with being overtired and it’s the one thing that can really push him over the edge at the end of a busy day.  We had 2 parties for him yesterday.  One in the morning with a bunch of little friends and another in the early evening, a bbq with our adult friends and 1 little cousin.  He loved the party decorations, I think this was the first year he really seemed to get that it was his special day.  He was showered with gifts, sweet treats, love and attention and managed to cope with the busy day very well with only a few little outbursts.  The morning highlight for Marley had to have been the orange jellies and the evening highlight was probably bubble blowing with 3 adults blowing copious amounts of bubbles for him.  Tim made him a fantastic Thomas the Tank birthday cake which was a great delight too.  Tim’s certainly the birthday cake artist in our family!  Marely was given a Buzz Lightyear for his birthday and we’d set up a scene involving Woody and Mr Potato head discussing what Marley might be getting for his birthday.  Tim then brought Buzz out.  The scene was perfect and Marley continued the dramatic play with punches to Buzz’s face just like in the movie! Marley slept with Buzz and Woody and played with them again first thing in the morning.  Both parties went really well and today I’ve decided that Marley and I needed to stay home and rest after such a busy period.  What the parties reminded us is that Marley has some wonderful friends and so do we.  It was our first real get together in our new home and we really enjoyed ourselves. 
Stats..
He’s 96.5cm’s tall (60th percentile)and weighs 14.8kgs (50th percentile). 
Can say pretty much anything
Is incredibly affectionate
Can be a great eater but goes off his food for short periods.
Loves dramatic play, each one of his fingers are used as characters who can pop out for a conversation with you at any stage.
Makes up songs.
Adores his Mumma and Dadda followed closely by Uncle Jon, Aunty Kathy, Bailey and Aunty Cathie.
Believes most food should be accompanied by condiments (just like his mum).
Plays well alone or with others.
Looks great in green and black
Still loves Wiggles, Nightgarden, most shows on ABC children’s tv, Wallace and Grommet and Toy Story.
Is compelled to look at himself in the mirror and tends to ‘act up’ when he does so.
Likes showers and baths, doesn’t like getting his hair wet.
Prefers to drink than eat and manages to drink more than I can.
Is completely toilet trained except for his night nappy.
Has a huge number of people in his life and amazes me with his incredible memory for names. 
Is a great actor.
Knows he is the dearly loved.
Understands the boundaries and is happy to do surprise boundary checks at any point.

Happy Birthday Marley, we are so lucky to have you in our lives surprising us each day with all that you know and learn.  We love you baby.

Happy Father’s Day

I’m one of the lucky ones who’s partners is a truly wonderful dad.  As a child I remember wanting a particular type of dad for my children, a man who’d cuddle them, be very soft and loving and that’s exactly who Tim is.  I lay in bed yesterday with a thumping headache listening to Tim as he was trying to negotiate with Marley to go to the toilet, put his clothes on and eat his food.  The tantrums and tears that were going on from our over tired boy would be enough to push a saint over the edge to at least snap at him but no.  Tim remained calm, gentle and just kept going until the necessary jobs were done and Marley was in bed.  Tim wasn’t feeling particularly well either and I just have to shake my head at his beautifully gentle nature.  It’s all of this that I love in Marley too.  My husband is innately nurturing and loving and is a better father than I could have hoped for.  Marley will never truly appreciate how lucky he is because he’ll never know any different.  Watching Tim with Marley can bring tears to my eyes and makes me fall deeper and deeper in love with a man I thought I couldn’t possibly love any more.

Happy Father’s day Buddy
XXX

Motherhood 2 yrs & 11 mths on!

This post has been late coming because I’ve been hit with one of those nasty viruses and haven’t been able to get my eyes to focus on typing for any length of time. 

Marley’s imaginative play has really taken off.  He puts on voices for characters and has us talking to inanimate objects about how their days have been.  He has a song for every occasion and it usually follows the tune of twinkle twinkle little star, if not, it’s something he’s made up and completely commits to.  He’s affectionate giving the most beautiful cuddles and kisses and telling me everyday ‘it’s nice to see you Mumma, I love you’.  He’s able to relay stories to us now.  If I asked what happened at creche he’ll concoct a series of words that hint toward who he’s seen and some of the activites he’s been involved in.  He answers questions and can be understood on the telephone now too. 

Marley’s memory is brilliant and always astounds me.  He remembers people and places and has real opinions about things now, not just what he’d like to eat or drink but what he wants to wear and do.  This morning while lying in bed Tim and I were discussing what we’d do today, ‘Marley what would you like to do today?’, ‘Go to the park’.  Oh, well, you can’t argue with that!  He has developed some sympathy and understanding of emotional states, sad, happy, angry, plus tired, hungry and sick.  While I’ve been sick he’s been coming to me saying ‘Oh Mumma’s sick’ with a sad look on his little face.  His favourite toys right now include a Dr’s kit, Mr Potato head, Barrel of monkeys, his white board and textas, Woody, his guitar and a car carrier truck his aunty Kath and uncle Jon gave him. 

He likes to play trains with his Dadda, likes to involve either one of us in his play. ("Come on Dadda, Come on Mumma") As I write this he is currently working on a toy sculpture of musical instruments he’s brought out like a soldier ant from his room one at a time to lay on another favourite toy, his black shower curtain on the kitchen floor rather than play with them alone in his room.  I’ve had his musical instruments packed away for a month, their first break from him since he was a small baby.  Yesterday he requested them out and is really enjoying playing with them like old friends again.  He’s undeniably musical.  One of his favourite tv shows is ‘So you think you can dance’...and he does!  He has us in fits as he busts a move integrating skids, twirls and ‘da-dah’ like hand poses in his dance. 

He refers to baby ‘Farky’ (Sparky) everyday and is very affectionate with my bump.  He’s started to play more with his baby doll and pretends to be a baby at times too.  He’s even pretended he needs a dummy which is hilarious since he hasn’t used one since he was a tiny 6 mth old baby.  Marley has been receiving training in scratching my back but is happy to apply the “Skatch” to anywhere really, my face, arm, hand, tummy, what ever.  He uses this very funny creepy little old man voice saying “Skatch skatch skatch” as he ‘Scratches’ me.  Luckily the scratches don’t scratch at all otherwise I’d look like I’d been attacked by someone. 

For me, I’m so deeply in love with this child.  I dread the thought of anything bad happening to him and just delight in his funny ways.  He feeds my soul so completely that it feels selfish to get so much from parenting and makes me fearful of how sad I’ll be when he leaves home, fearful I’m too dependent on him.  He’s just such a perfect little ray of light full of energy and love and I adore him so deeply.  I’m 15 weeks pregnant now and loving that this pregnancy is something Marley has been so aware of.  He and I lay in the spare room yesterday discussing it as ‘Sparky’s’ room.  He played with the baby toys and understands they’re for baby Sparky.  To see my child play alone on the 2 seater swing is no longer sad but exciting.  I think of the years ahead and I just know Marley will delight in his baby brother or sister.  I’ve felt guilty that Marley won’t have our undivided attention when the baby comes but my more logical side knows that he will have had such a wonderful introduction to life in his years as an only child, nurtured so completely and abundant in confidence, he’ll be so ready for a sibling that Sparky’s arrival will only add to Marley’s world.  All of this makes me feel incredibly happy and lucky. 

Motherhood 2 yrs & 10 mths on!

There’s been quite a lot of change in our little man of late.  He’s talking a lot more and is more tricky than usual.  He’s tricky in subtle ways and constantly has Tim and I in fits of laughter.  His direct “Yes” and “No”’ answers to our questions are almost dismissive.  He asks us “How are you Mumma/Dadda?”, “Good thank you Marley, how are you?” and like a machine gun he replies “Yeah” as though we’re wasting his time.  He’s got opinions about what clothes he’d like to wear and where he’d like to go, what cup he’d like to drink out of.  He has the best memory for names and really enjoys play time with his friends.  Child care is fantastic for him and he’s doing brilliantly there.  I’m so happy with how secure he feels and how much he enjoys his centre.

Marley speaks to ‘Baby Farky” (Baby Sparky) while looking directly at my belly.  He has on a couple of occasions pretended to have a baby in his own tummy too.  He seems to think that anything either Tim or I eat or drink is rightfully his and will make a huge fuss if he can’t have it.  He fights holding my hand and prefers to walk rather than go in the pusher.  Today he went missing in the shopping centre and I heard the call over the PA system...little lost boy, would his mother please pick him up at the information counter! He has a happy disposition and is mostly easy to manage but he does have a few wobblies every now and then.  He wears size 3 clothes size 7 shoes and is 14.4kgs.  He had his first hair cut this week and sat very still during the cut.  He was very good.  He generally is very good.  An easy and gentle little boy.  The other night we were watching Elvis Costello in concert on TV and Marley played along with his small guitar only stopping to get the scooter which he set up to use the handle as a microphone on a scooter stand.  He loves dancing and loves helping us cook.  He is very much the typical boy in relation to his toys, with clear preferences for cars, trucks, fire engines and anything that goes.  Today I bought him a doll but honestly he held little to no interest in choosing one.  The only dolls he paid any attention to were the ones that did something like crawl, sing, talk or yawn.  I ended up getting him a plain boring old cute doll and now we’re home with it he’s a little more interested in it and is presently pushing it around in his shopping trolley. 

Marley loves cuddles on the couch and early morning cuddles in bed.  His love affair with Sandy our dog continues but he’s getting rougher with her.  He see’s her as a toy of sort and I have to fight for his attention when Sandy’s involved.  He refers to time spent with Sandy rather than me as, “No mumma, I want to pway”. 

Motherhood 2 yrs & 9 mths on!

Cheeky, cheeky, CHEEKY!!!!!! that’s all I can say about Marley at the moment. 

He’s not really ‘naughty’ cheeky but more charming, cute, push the limits cheeky although he can be a bit naughty at times.  He has these funny walks and dances that mesmerise us and knows just how to make us laugh.  He is incredibly loveable but doesn’t have that much time for cuddles these days, he’s all too often on the run.  He thinks it’s hilarious to announce ‘Mumma farted’ at any given moment having been well taught by his father who delights in these outbursts which leave me pleading my innocence.  Marley’s talking more and more and we’re able to understand much of what he says although I’m fairly sure most people couldn’t.  He’s friendly and outgoing.  He adores books, riding his trike and playing with Sandy.  His greatest love would be music and dancing, so much so that I’m considering putting him into dance lessons as soon as possible.  He’s great with catching and throwing and is an incredibly expressive child.  He loves creche and is well loved by his friends and carers at creche also.  We went back for a visit to Moruya where Marley delighted in seeing his cousin Bailey and his aunt and uncle who he remembered obviously very well.  It was really lovely to see him and Bailey together again, they’ve always been such great mates.  He also got to catch up with some other friends he hasn’t seen for a long time.  It was a lovely visit.

I suppose the only ‘new’ thing to write about here is that Marley is going to be a big brother Happily after 2 years of trying for another child I’m pregnant and although I’m sure Marley has little to no concept of this, he points and waves to my belly and calls the baby by his/her nickname ( “Sparky” pronounced ‘Farky’ by Marley).

Marley’s going to be a beautiful big brother full of love and confidence.  There will be a 3yr and 5 mth gap and I’m confident he’ll be a big helper to me but will always be my baby boy.  I long to see him play with a sibling and am just ecstatic to know it’s going to happen.  While I was still trying to conceive I was so frightened by the age gap, fearful that the gap would be too big but now I’m sure that Marley will have had almost 3.5 yrs of one on one nurturing that will help him to be confident in himself and his position in the family.  I’m sure that he will adore having a brother or sister.