Merry Christmas Duffers

I just want to say a huge thank you to every one of you who have contributed to making Up the Duff such a wonderfully caring community.  It seems that no matter how big we become here there’s always room for more and new comers are always welcomed by those of you who’ve been here since UTD was a in the cyber womb of Tim’s imagination almost 3 years ago.  For many of us this is our 3rd year in sharing our lives.  For some it’s been less but overall what we have is just a wonderfu wonderful group of women who together take the risk of exposing their lives, hearts and of sharing their knowledge.  I just want you all to know how much I appreciate this.  To those of you who read this site and never write on it, I’d love to think that you too feel a part of our community.

This last year has been a huge one for Tim, Marley and I.  We’ve moved from England to Australia, gone from living in the hub of London to the middle of the bush in country NSW and we’ve been learning about life as parents.  It’s been a year of change but it’s been wonderful and I wouldn’t change a single thing.  I’m excited about our future and hope with all my heart that once again we’re blessed with a Christmas pregnancy...fingers crossed!

Merry Christmas to you all and may all of your dreams come true for the following year....especially you Missy!

HO HO HO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Motherhood 15 months on…

Oh my goodness gracious me! What a funny little man I have on my hands! Marley’s starting to talk, sharing the odd word here and there, not many words and not really regularly but certainly a few new ones.  He’s also fluent in jibberish.  He has developed a high pitched questioning tone which he carefully places at the end of each statement making each burst of jibberish sound as though he expects a response.  He loves speaking on the phone and does the head knods and pauses between his conversations.  Actually, everything is about copying right now.  He weighs himself on my digital scales each morning, being sure to press the buttons first just like Mumma does.  I was putting make-up on the other day and he rifled through my make-up bag before he decided on the eyeliner he wished to use on his lips.  Yesterday his big 8 year old cousin came over and crashed to the ground pretending to fall off Marley’s little push along and the next thing Marley was dropping to the ground moaning dramatically but kind of smiling at the same time. 
Marley has become very attached to his teddy Minty.  He carries Minty around in his mouth throughout the day.  He doesn’t depend on his teddy but he does like to have him around to play with and that just seems to be more and more these days.  I put him back into Marley’s cot but inevitably I find he’s been pulled out to come and play in the lounge.  Poor Minty gets rather smelly since most of the time he’s covered in saliva so we have a Minty double which is probably why Minty seems to be everywhere I turn. Now I manage to have 2 smelly Minty’s and when I do manage to get one washed and dried it’s soaked in saliva again within moments.
Marley’s done a lot of dropping to his knees as of late, he drops kind of cautiously and then even more cautiously throws himself backward and cries out just to let everyone know how bloody upset he is that the vacuum cleaner is stuck under the leg of the chair or that his baby stoller is stuck on the skirting.  It’s just the best way for him to let me know how annoyed he is about these very frustrating regular daily situations. Gosh he’s becoming a big boy, he’s physically so much more capable now...climbing, starting to climb up on his chairs, climbing into the buggy, standing on the coffee table with Minty in his mouth.  He can now climb onto our bed which is not really that high.  He loves to get up and down off the bed and to have the thrill of the chase each and every time I want him to come to me. 

Marley loves vacuuming and books.  He’s going to be a wonderful adult at this rate.  Today I found vacuuming so difficult with his little grip refusing to loosen as I vacuumed the floor.  He likes to be involved in just about everything and hates it when I’m doing the dishes or cooking and he can’t see what’s going on.  He’s a big sticky beak and is just such a funny little monkey.  He constantly has me smiling with his antics..mostly the way he pretends not to see or hear me but he can’t hide the smile that creeps across his face..actually he’s very much like his beautiful dad.

As a mum this past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling a little more like the old me, the freer and more independent me.  It’s been good, I’m enjoying playing touch football and taking morning walks.  I’m a little sad to see my baby growing up but loving seeing him progress and getting to know who he is.  I just think it’s so important for mums (and dads) to have time out for themselves even though it’s taken me a long time to really want that time out.  I do want it now, not lots of it, just enough to make me feel I’m me, not just Marley’s mum.  I’d love to fall pregnant and to experience it all over again, this time with the twist of already having Marley but while I have little to no control over that, I can control the other stuff that makes me happy, like working on my musical career , my fitness and soaking in as much of this precious one on one time I have with Marley, this time I have while he’s still so little. 

Motherhood 14 months on…

This month has been a big one for change.  Marley’s changing daily.  He’s possibly saying things but I can’t be sure, for example, this morning after his sleep I said to him “lets go for a swim” and I could’ve sworn he said “schwvim” so I said “yes, a swim” and he said “chswim”, I got a little excited and said “YES, would Marley like to have a SWIM??? to which he replied “Schhhhhwwimmmm"… it really did sound suspiciously like “swim”..don’t you think?  He’s also saying SHHHH whenever I mention ‘fish’.  I thought he said Bye bye, well it sounded pretty much exactly like bye bye but I’m just not sure.
Marley’s the most selfish child I’ve ever met.  He WON’T kiss me and completely and utterly ignores Tim.  Here we are jumping through hoops for his attention and he blocks us out until he wants something.  Much to my surprise and delight he’s given me a few kisses today that also involved a bite to my lip but hey, I’ll take anything!!  He’s so cheeky!  I know he understands because he’ll happily kiss any one of his teddys but no kisses for us.  If he’s watching tv he completely ignores us.  I sit directly in front of his view to the television and he moves his head to see past me and I play this game where I keep popping into his face and he just pushes me aside and will even grin but won’t give me eye contact!  So cheeky!!!
A few weeks ago we went to the zoo and I bought some animal pictures.. he can point out Giraffe, panda, puppy dog and Orangutang.  He’s quite good with the shape puzzles and is enjoying stackable boxes.  I’ve also been giving him some crayons to draw in his scrap book while he waits for his food, he loves it.
We’ve made a couple of big toy purchases this month that we’re really really pleased with.  One is a small outdoors plastic cubby house to provide more shelter from the sun and the other is an indoors climbing frame with a ball pit and slide attached.  Marley’s confidence has just grown so quickly and he’s literally walking UP the slide now and flips himself into that ball pit with no effort what so ever.  He loves it and I saw him more confident than I’ve ever seen him at baby gym this week. 
He’s also taken to spinning this month. 

This month as enthralled as he’s had me, it’s been a very rocky one for me culminating in a break down or I suppose a break through of sorts as I’ve come to recognise how depressing it can be at times to be a stay at home mum eternally chasing after some semblance of organisation and sometimes feeling it all piling on top of me.  I think the biggest thing for me is the guilt that is associated with being a mum.  I feel unreasonably guilty despite doing about as much as possible to be a good mum.  My idealistic view of parenthood and house keeping which only seems to exist in relation to my own parenting has been very hard to live up to and I’ve come to realise that I’m beating myself up for no good reason and as a result I’ve felt depressed and things have started to pile up to the point where I’ve felt totally inadequate as a wife and a mother.  I actually didn’t realise this and have just kept on making every effort to push through but now see that I’ve had to stop and give myself a bit of a break.  This is a good thing and already I feel so much better for it.  It’s like I’ve had a moment of clarity and realised things simply don’t have to be that hard.  Most of all I’ve come to understand that this is a problem that many mothers have faced at some stage and as such I suppose it could be just another aspect of parenting.

God knows I love my family with all of my heart, I’m the luckiest person alive and even so, it’s not always easy.

True beauty

Even though we’ve all heard that with computer technology those images of gorgeous women on TV and in magazines have been enhanced, I don’t believe that many of us truly understand what that means in real terms.  Of course I can only speak for myself but the truth is that I do feel less beautiful than other women.  I’m much shorter, plumper, and generally not as well defined in any way.  Having a baby belly that still looks 6 mths pregnant reinforces that inward negative feeling.  I look at other real life women and think, well, she’s had a baby and she’s not a fatty boomba and I’ve got to the point where I don’t even bother looking at celebrity mothers because it’s all just way too depressing.  Tim sent me this link the other day and it really cheered me up, I think that every woman I know should have a look at this little movie!

Motherhood 13 months on.

My baby is a toddler.  He’s a boisterous bouncing baby boy who enjoys yelling out “BBBBBaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh” at the top of his lungs.  He’s much more vocal now, he really is very funny!  He’s really started to tantrum.  Yesterday he went beetroot red, screaming when I held his plate down so that he couldn’t tip his food off of it.  The day before he screamed at the top of his lungs and dropped to the ground when I refused to let him walk without holding my hand, I picked him up ("if you’re not going to hold mummy’s hand then mumma will have to carry you") and received a couple of nasty slaps kung-foo styley to my face and today he got his head stuck under the couch when I moved it to block the path to the heater.  He was so angry that he couldn’t get to the heater that he kept trying to force himself under the couch and when I pulled him out he screamed and went all red in the face again.  It seems that a lot of our communications involve him screaming and me trying to uphold my boundaries while at the same time ignoring the tantrums and offering him lots of positive interactions...not that easy!
Marley loves having showers with me and gets quite upset if he misses out.  He tries to get into the bath himself and spends most of the time putting the plug in and out of the plughole.

Recently Marley has had the opportunity to pat a chicken, a kangaroo, a snake, a horse, have a close up look at a kookaburra, pat a rabbit and have his feet sucked by a calf.  He’s certainly getting in touch with animals and these real life experiences are translating to his being able to point out particular animals on an native animal poster.  He points out the galah, kookaburra and kangaroos.  This morning we had Galah’s on our bird feeder and we went out and watched them for quite a while.  He’s started copying sounds too. 

After a couple of road trips to see the family he seems to have come out of his shell a little more.  He is more smiley with strangers and more vocal overall.  Seeing so many different people seems to have made him more confident and as he’s walking more, he’s happy to go exploring and generally finds the new places we visit very stimulating.  He now has 9 teeth including 1 molar and is happy to eat sandwiches and pretty much anything really.  He’s super cuddly and kissy and a very confident little man who has an air of self assuredness.  Amazingly our little boy has made it into the 75th percentile for his height and weight, and if you only knew how short both his dad and I are, you’d understand why I say it’s amazing!

Motherhood 1 year on.

I can barely put into words the level of pride I feel each time I look at my child.  He’s 1 today.  I didn’t realise until this very day how special and how big a celebration this day would be for me as much as him.  It’s Tim and my birthday as parents and we’re loving every minute of that extra special attention required to make this day an extraordinary day for Marley...it just feels like a family celebration. We bought a little guitar for Marley which he loves and has been carrying around everywhere.  I just want to capture every moment of this day, soak it up, record it in every form and keep it in my heart as another trophy of my child.  I just never thought it’d be such a celebration for us...I’d only focused on Marley’s perspective and now that I’m here, I just can’t wipe the grin off my face.
That huge love monster that started growing when I’d conceived him, and I thought could grow no more when I came to know him, well, it’s just taken over my heart and swallowed me up.  It just does, it grows bigger and bigger and bigger… I can feel it moving inside of me, putting a lump in my throat when I watch my child, when I hold him and hear his voice.  I’m so in love that it fills me to the top and flows over.
The day after Marley’s 11mth b’day he started taking steps and now he’s walking.  He still crawls but mostly he walks.  He’s into everything!!!!  He’s growing to be so independent, wriggles and twists on nappy changes, slaps at my hand to take the spoon and spends a whole lot of time running away from me and opening cupboards, opening the dvd player, switching off the tv, just being a little monkey.
He adores his teddy ‘Minty” and tucks him underneath his belly to sleep at night.  When I pass Minty to him at sleep time he gives the biggest smile and snuffles him up close to him, flips over and lies on top of him.  Often when he’s been put down for a sleep I’ll hear a little cry that’s a “Mumma I’ve thrown Minty over the side of the cot and can’t reach him” cry before he settles.
He’s started to imitate my laugh.  I think he’s being quite cruel, I DON’T laugh like that! 
Marley’s able to say Ta appropriately and now understands quite a few words and instructions.  He climbs over and under the coffee table.  He loves balloons and throws himself on them and onto the beach ball he has. 
He is constantly distracted by music and loves it when I sing to him.  There is no mood I can’t snap him out of with a song.  He sings along in his own way too We have a wonderful box of musical instruments which he is fascinated by.  I hope that he always appreciates music. 
Yesterday I stood Marley up on a chair in the kitchen to watch as I decorated cupcakes for his birthday, that was a big milestone for me, one I’ve been looking forward to.  I’ve always loved involving kids I’ve worked with in cooking and preparation and when I had to put Marley off the chair for a minute he just screamed! He really does have a sense that he’s a bigger boy now and he just wants to be involved in so much more.  He loves watching the photographs on the computer and seeing video that I’m editing.  He recognises songs and loves it when I sing really loud and have a good dance...he’s become a toddler over night!  That toddler just woke up, I must go!

Mr Magoo Walks!!!!

I just had to share this with my Duffer pals.  In the space of only a few days Marley’s gone from standing to walking! 

Motherhood 11 Months On.

Just tonight Marley has taken 2 steps!!!!  I imagine he’ll be walking fairly soon now that he has found his balance and is taking steps.  My beautiful little man is just such a funny little fellow, I probably say this all of the time but he just makes me laugh so much!  He goes from giving the most arrogant looks seemingly looking down his nose at people’s efforts to make him smile before either his eyebrow raises ever so slightly and the corner of his mouth lifts despite his efforts to avoid smiling, or his face lights up into the cheekiest possible open mouthed toothy smile which just makes everyone laugh.  Which ever direction he goes you can bet the adults watching on will end up laughing at his expressions. 

Marley loves his Dadda and calls out to Dadda quite a bit now.  It started with an interest in where Dad was going after he gets out of bed, his head turns to wherever his dad is...then Dadda goes into the bathroom to iron his shirt...Marley watches the door.  I started whispering to Marley “DAAAAAA DDAAAAA” until Marley started to call it out, then I said “Tim, he’s calling you, say hello to him”, Tim poked his head out of the bathroom door “hello Mr Moo, Bye bye”, I whispered again DDAAAddddddaaaaaaaa which Marley copied....and Tim responded to him again. That was my first calling out to Dadda lesson and the very next morning from his cot we heard “DDaaaaaaaddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaa”, I nudged Tim and said, he’s calling you buddy, you’d better go and get him.  (Nikki rubs her hands together and grins with contentment as her secret plan comes to fruition). 

When Tim comes home Marley recognizes the sound of his very loud VW Beetle.  He looks up to the window to see his Dad and loves to play “I’m going to get you!!” with him pretty much until it’s time for him to go to bed...it’s my favorite time of the day that time before he goes to sleep.  He’s very playful now, he really does understand chasey and hiding behind furniture, listens for clues as to where you are and comes rushing at us or even goes in the opposite direction to sneak around to find us.  He often leaves me shaking my head in surprise.

Marley’s favorite things to do these days include reaching up to the top of my desk to try and get the mouse and/or anything he can reach.  If I’ve cleared everything out of reach he stands on his tippy toes, peeking over the desktop, arms outstretched, fingers reaching and cries out of frustration.  Another thing that will bring him to tears is if Tim and I should dare to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee and not give him any at the very precise moment that he wants it.  We drink decaf and I don’t mind giving it to him at the very end so that he can drink the last drop but I suppose I’m a bad mum because I just won’t give it to him freshly made...when he wants it the very most!

Marley is now an indoor/outdoor child.  We’ve set up an ugly temporary fence in order to protect him from the rose bushes and to allow him to wonder the grassy area without fear that he’ll get hurt or go missing.  Only a few weeks ago he was unable to crawl over the edge of his sandpit but now he climbs in and out of it constantly and climbs up the step and through the sliding door to go inside and visa versa.  He’s loving his new found freedom.  Just a couple of days ago he was digging in some dirt and I introduced him to his first little shovel for digging and a plastic truck.  He really enjoyed getting very grubby and exploring and I felt very brave to let him considering I was so worried he’d encounter spiders or some such creatures....I just watched him through the kitchen window as I washed the dishes.  These little distances I’m allowing him has been a change and hasn’t come easily for me and I make sure I can see him, I’m always worried about things like bull ants, spiders, the dog and things he might put into his mouth, speaking of which..........Another favorite thing for Marley to do is to race me to the dog food and water.  It’s a race to see if I’ll move it before he manages to tip the water and eat the dry dog food. 

I think (and this may be me just being hopeful) that Marley might be musical.  Listening to him singing away to himself in his cot each morning is very entertaining.  He’s often using the same word but saying it with the emphasis on different syllables.  Eg, da DA, Daaah Daaaaaaaah, Da da da, DA da.  He plays with the volume and sounds he’s producing and seems to be doing it really more for the fun of it than anything.  He’s started squealing and growling as well.  Sometimes I swear he says “hello” but I’m just not sure about that, it might be coincidental but then again I suppose it’s possible.

He loves books.  He sits turning pages over and over again.  He’s actually able to play for quite a long time with books and is also enjoying unstacking, knocking down and tipping things out...eg, my washing out of the washing basket!  He’s able to open the kitchen cupboards.  We’ve got the drill and screws along with the child safety locks sitting on the kitchen bench waiting to be installed...a job I’ll do tomorrow.  He claps his hands and loves it when I sing to him.  He adores his baths and has just started drinking out of a cup with my assistance every now and then...he’s very proud of himself.  I’m encouraging him to feed himself with the spoon now too.  He’s able to get the food in his mouth AND throw the bowl on the ground.  Marley’s just started turning his head away from some foods...up until now he’s never refused food. He has a new style of eating his yoghurt too, the first mouthful is always received mouth open and left open until the yoghurt drops out, is scooped up again and replaced into his mouth..he then clucks his tongue on the roof of his mouth and smacks his lips together savoring the taste of his precious yoghurt.

I’ve started using the phrase “OOOOH aahhhhhh” as a warning sound when Marley does or goes to do something I’d rather he didn’t.  I used to say “ah” but found that it sounds very harsh and I often felt some anger in the delivery where as “OOOH Ahhh” is a much more gentle sound and which serves to soothe both he and I with it’s melody.  If he continues I usually say “Mummy said No” and this is when he kicks out his legs and starts to cry because I’m stopping all of his fun.  This never stops him from trying again at any other stage.  He really is very cheeky and even when I get quite cross with him and move him across the room and plonk him down in a way that suggests I’m not very happy with him right now, he just looks up at me and gives me a giggle or a cheeky smile.  He can be infuriating!!!  OOH I do love my baby so very much.

Motherhood 10 months on…

The penny has dropped and Marley just seems to understand so much more these days.  He’s worked out how to clap his hands and that when he does so he gathers an instant audience.  He’s become a performer, shaking his head, arms and legs on demand but of course that demand has to come in the form of a song that makes the beneficiary look particularly silly.  One day he just started playing peek a boo with his towel over his head, he’s experimenting with his eyes and hiding and bobbing his head below and behind different areas..it’s hilarious to watch and to be involved in!  He has a way of making people bend over backward to put a smile on his face and it’s fast becoming apparent that he has a similar personality quirk to his dad, that quirk that has me constantly trying to get his attention when he’s drifted off somewhere.  He’s a very funny boy indeed. 
The 10 month marker today was celebrated by his newest trick involving crying non stop until he gets what he wants.  YES, he’s learnt that crying can be a really good tool and he’s about to learn that I’m onto him! 
I think this last month has bought about some of the biggest noticeable changes in him.  He’s worked out that if he bumps his head he might like to cry regardless of whether it hurts or not and has been watching and listening for our responses to such situations.  He’s experimented with deliberately bumping his head and watching for our responses as well.  He’s telling me and leading me to what he wants through a far greater vocabulary of ahs, bahssss and other such jibberish.  He’s started saying MUMMA! and is recognizing people and objects by their names including Sandy the dog who he’s now developed a fondness for.  His play has changed also, he’s moved from constantly needing my attention to being quite enthralled by the simplest of things.  One of his favorite toys at the moment is the game boy pouch and my handbag, he loves playing with the straps.
Physically he’s so quick now, he crawls quite fast but prefers to walk moving along the furniture and seems to make his way around the house crabbing his way along a succession of chairs, legs and other stray bits and pieces.  He’s aware of other children, loves Hi Five and dances whenever he hears music...it’s quite funny to watch actually.  Regardless of what he’s doing there’re some adds on TV where the music just captures his attention and he has to stop everything to dance.  Very cute. 
The other day I discovered he has an allergy to what is probably peanuts and he’s also got a blocked tear duct that will be operated on soon so there’re a couple of specialist appointments coming up but apart from those things he’s a wonderfully healthy little man who’s now weighing a whopping 10kg which isn’t really that big except when you compare it to how tiny he was.  My little baby’s growing up!

Motherhood 9 months on…

My baby is the baby version of Esmay Watson, a real little sticky beak.  Not much seems to get passed him these days. 
He’s very cuddly and attached to me, gives the most delicious kisses and cuddles and we pretty much have a good understanding as to what to expect from eachother.  If he’s crying it’s usually for a very good reason and it’s usually teething problems.  He has 5.5 teeth now.  His left eye tooth is cutting through right now and is causing his gum to bleed.  It looks so sore.
Physically he’s moving everywhere.  His crawling has sped up considerably and he’s pulling himself up again pretty much anything that stands.  He shimmies along in side steps along the couch, goes from the table to the armchair to the couch all just by reaching out for support from one item to the next.  He’s trying to climb up on things and knows how to help himself to fall more carefully..and he does A LOT of that!!

He loves his “Where’s Spot” book.  If we ask him Where’s Spot? he starts laughing and looking around.  He helps to pull up the flaps and anticipates where each of the flaps are.  He’s understanding so much more these days and is generally loads of fun.  He loves his bath and is really enjoying baby gym and shows interest in the other babies at baby gym now too.
He’s recognizing people that he might not have seen for a month and is happy to smile for them as opposed to anyone he doesn’t know. 

I’m a little distracted while writing this because Marley’s crying right now.  His teeth really are giving him so much trouble but he’s also overtired and needs to sleep.
He’s started clucking his tongue and says Dadda and Bubba but still no Mumma. 

Marley had his first sweet biscuit today at Aunty Cathie’s house and he managed to demolish a whole choc cream biscuit in minutes and went reaching into the cookie jar for another!  I whipped his hand out of there pretty quick!

Gotta go and give him a cuddle, he’s miserable.

Motherhood 8 months on…

Does it get any better than this?  I’m loving watching my little boy as he accomplishes his milestones.  Today he managed to crawl for the first time.  It’s not like he’s just all of the sudden taken off, he’s been threatening to do it for a while.  Today he wriggled and maneuvered his way into a forward crawl.  I get the feeling that he’s really proud of his new super powers, ie, the power to move along the floor in any direction he chooses, the power to pull himself up to a standing position against things, and best of all, the power to stand holding onto anything really.  He’s a pretty happy chap right now but even so, he’s quite demanding.  It seems that he’s not so agile that he’s able to get himself down without injury and can’t always get himself up into the standing positions he likes, so of course at these time he calls on Mumma to help out… that’s quite often actually.  He has a real problem with any position other than standing.  In the mornings he used to come into our bed and snuggle up with us but now the whinging starts soon after he gets into bed.  He whinges and moans until I prop him up against the bed head and leave him to stand there until he falls, then the whinging starts all over again!

He’s still very miserly with the kisses but tonight while I was chatting to a friend and Marley was sitting up on the table in front of me (facing my friend), he turned his little head back toward my face as his little hand held my face and he planted a gorgeous “I love you” kiss on my lips...that was really nice!  I love drying him after his bath, he giggles as I tickle him and he kicks like he’s free for the first time ever...he loves the dry, massage and powder time and often chats away to me during this time.
In the mornings in between standing up time, we read a book or 2, usually starting with ‘Where’s Spot’ during which he gently opens up the flaps of the book.  He absolutely loves it when I read to him.  Bailey (my nephew) has been staying with us quite a bit while Cathie’s been away with her work and Marley just adores him.  He instantly smiles and grabs at Bailey and Bailey usually responds with squeals of delight.
I take Marley into Tim’s work where pretty much all of Tim’s co-workers attempt to make him smile, they try and try and today their persistence paid off.  One of the girls has broken the ice man and managed to get a smile out of him!  He’s so funny with strangers now, he really just gives such a cold stare, it’s very rare for a stranger to get a smile out of him.
ME, I’m loving being a mum and loving the fact that he’s eating really well, sleeping really well, has 4.5 beautifully sharp little teeth, looks pretty healthy, happy and he loves me.  He’s my boy and I just love him so much.

A love story

My brother was 4 years older than me , highly critical of people and Tim was his best friend, that said a lot about Tim as far as I was concerned.  I adored my brother Mark, he was witty and bold and just liked to push the boundaries but always in a safe and respectable way, I respected him a lot and thought a great deal of his opinion.  The fact that he thought Tim was a good person was enough to convince me.  Tim was quiet, smart, confident and nerdy but in a groovy kind of way, meaning that despite the fact he had red hair and wore glasses, he looked really good and always wore stylish clothes, he was on the cutting edge of fashion when he wore pastels in the 80’s well before any of his peers were game to. 
Tim used to come to our house every now and then for sleep overs, I’d watch him from afar and have little fantasies about him.  I have diary entries with “i love Tim Grithiffs” (spelt incorrectly) from the age of 13!  Tim was obviously very different from any of the men I’d ever met, he wasn’t a chauvinist for a start.  He wasn’t loud and the centre of attention but rather unobtrusive and observant, a good listener, a good person.  I knew all of this before I knew Tim, I could see it in him. 
Mark and Tim had moved to Melbourne, while Tim lived with his nan and studied pharmacy, Mark lived nearby and worked at the local Norman Bros store.  Mark knew I had a crush on Tim and mum had said to Mark a couple of times that he should try to pair us up but as far as Mark was concerned, I was his ‘stinky little sister’ and the idea of Tim and I becoming a couple was ludicrous.  One night I was speaking to Mark on the phone and he said Tim was there, do I want to speak to him, to be honest, before this time I’d only spoken a couple of sentences to Tim and wouldn’t really know what to say but of course it WAS Tim Griffiths, OF COURSE I’d speak to him!  Tim and I had a chat and discussed my new tops I’d bought that day and how you could see my BRA because the arm holes were kind of big...(a very titiliating conversation) and after he passed the phone back to Mark he called out to me to write to him!  This is where it all began.

As we began writing to each other it soon became evident that Tim WAS everything I’d imagined him to be, only better.  He was truly the man I’d dreamt about as a little girl when I’d imagined finding my soul mate..someone I could tell all of my secrets, someone who knew who I really was, someone who would be all mine.  He was respectful, thoughtful, confident, and open minded in a way I’d never seen before.  We kissed for the 1st time 20 years ago, on the 2nd May 1986 at my deb ball, there is no way I can put into words the way I felt that night.  I just couldn’t believe that I’d got him.  At the age of 16 I believed my role in life was to marry and have children and preferably by the age of 21 I would’ve done both, after all, that’s what all of my brothers and sisters had done.  Tim laughed at me when I told him I wanted to be married and have children so early, he said that it’d be with someone else then because there was no way he was going to do that.  At this stage I thought he was being arrogant, I didn’t understand him at all, then slowly but surely I did.  I saw that I could be anything, anyone I wanted to be, that I was a talented musician.  As he nurtured me I became more and more confident and the world opened up for me.  He was smart and he was open minded, he wasn’t constrained by anyone’s preconceptions about life and he looked at every situation with an honest and open mind and heart.  He taught me to be softer, he taught me to love and to nurture and he made me feel loved.  When I was 16 I caught the most wonderful prize in Tim Griffiths.  He’s the best person I’ve ever met and I always knew I loved him.  Every single day he amazes me with his generosity, care and love and I couldn’t find a pedestal big enough to place him upon because he is everything to me.  I adore my husband, I love him with all of my heart, I aspire to be like him, I feel immense pride when I think of him and how he effects the people around him.  All in all, Tim is just a really nice guy to the very core and he’s my best friend. 
So, here I sit typing this story about my husband and how we came to be while Mr Marley Moo sits at my feet tugging away at all of the cords I don’t want him playing with.  I shake my head at how lucky I am to have such a gorgeous family and to be able to give Marley the love that I had dreamt I would shower my children with all of those years ago.  Ours hasn’t always been easy and we certainly fight and carry on but the truth is that before anything else, there’s a massive stack of love between and that just feels so right.

Thank you Tim for all that you are, I’m happier than I could have ever thought possible and I love you forever and a day.

Motherhood 7 months on…

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me.......I hope so but you’d never know!  He cries when I leave the room, puts his arms out for me to pick him up and the moment he’s in my arms he squirms, twists and wriggles to get out of them!  He only seems interested in things that are out of reach and is tuning into his power to manipulate his environment.  He’s started crying as we enter his room throwing down the sleep time gauntlet of disapproval.  “Kiss for Mumma?” is met with a turn of the head or a big slobbery raspberry like “B B BBBB BbbubB” He uses me to transport him from point A to point B and the minute he’s arrived at said destination he twists wildly to get what he wants and gets annoyed when I place is further out of his reach and give him something else to play with.

Easter bunny got him some carved wooden eggs and a stone egg for easter and these were made freely available for him to play with, and so within a short time he was reaching for the remote control again.  I combated this by placing the eggs out of reach and each time he reached for them said “ah ah” and pushed them further away.  Guess who wanted those eggs BADLY then!
His recent accomplishments include saying “bub”, picking up and transporting the broom across the front of his walker, unpacking the dishwasher and dragging the bin along behind his walker.  He’s almost crawling but not quite there which is probably why he’s getting so frustrated and wants to use me as his vehicle.  He zips around the place in his walker and has explored every last corner of our home in it but when placed on the floor he just goes nowhere!  Poor little fellow, he just wants to move and while he does manage to eventually get what he wants using a combination of rolls, leg kicks, shuffles and sheer luck, he’s not skilled at it....and quite frankly, god help me when he is!

While it sounds like I’m complaining and that things are hard, it’s actually been one of the most exciting months in his development.  He’s sitting strongly, puts his arms out to be picked up, asserts himself vocally, will walk to me in his walker when I say “come to Mumma”, he’s discovered Dadda and is aware of his presence or absence, is chatting loads, eating solids and has definite preferences...every single day we notice something new.  He’s understanding simple words and cues now like “Kick kick kick” when he’s in the bath and I want him to kick his legs and nummy nummy in relation to food.  He’s also not using a dummy now at all.  Motherhood is good but I have to admit some days I get tired and feel a little frustrated at how demanding he can be.  Right now for example he’s on the mat on his tummy for some tummy time and is crying out of frustration as he tries to get to his desired toy, I’m trying to ignore the crying because I know he’s fine, he’s just frustrated but it’s bloody hard to say the least!  The fact is that he’s got to get that fire in his belly to push himself to actually crawl but personally I should say that I don’t mind if he doesn’t crawl for another month!

My milk’s nearly gone but there still seems to be a little remaining despite the fact that I’ve not breast fed him for nearly 2 months.  My body is becoming my own again and I have thoughts of writing music again.  My life is good and I’m very happy and in love with my boys.

Birthdays.

Yesterday was Tricky’s birthday (happy birthday baby!) but there was also another birthday yesterday that you might not be aware of. It was Up the Duff’s second birthday.

Two years ago, we were living in the UK in London and I was trying to decide what would be a good thing to give Tricky for her birthday the next day. We were a bit short of money and I had already arranged to visit Windsor on that weekend but I wanted to give her something more tangible. We had also recently decided to start a family and I wanted this extra gift to somehow reflect that. Tricky has always liked writing journals (she has filled dozens of them) and I considered buying her a new note book at one of the great paper merchants in London. Then I had a revelation. A couple of years before I had set up my own journal at antipodean.org (updated infrequently now, I’m sad to say) to keep our friends and family up to date whilst we travelled around Europe and then settled in the UK. It would be easy for me to set up a journal for Tricky, maybe even with her own domain name. I did a quick search and came up with uptheduff.org. I was amazed it was still available as a name, so in a flash I had registered it, made the pear logo, done a quick site design and in about an hour, I had it all set up.

Tricky loved it, of course, and at the time, I don’t think either of us knew what it might become. I thought even if it remained as a personal journal it would be a great way for her to record our experiences. But then Tricky invited a few people from other baby info sites and we installed some simple forum software. Now we have seen members click to over 200 and we get hundreds of visitors every day. There have been pregnancies and babies galore (including our own beautiful little boy, Marley) and a few tragedies but throughout, Up the Duff has grown into a great little community.

We have had some ambitious plans for Up the Duff. When we find the time, we’ll get around to them. But for now, happy birthday Tricky, and happy birthday Up the Duff.

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Dancing with the stars

When I had Marley the only hospital visitor I had was Tim.  I was okay about that but at the same time it would’ve been wonderful to introduce our new baby to someone in the family.  I was caught between feeling fine about it and feeling disappointed.  The thing that made it a little more disappointing for me was that during our almost 4 years in London the only visitors we’d had were from Tim’s family.  The stats weren’t great, you see I have 10 brothers and sisters living and 42 nephews and nieces plus more great nephews and nieces, it would’ve been nice to have had just one visitor. 
The day after I got home from hospital we went out to breakfast and then wandered back home to our cosy flat to stare at Marley while he slept.  Tim went out for a while and I got on the phone to my friend Wendy who was a new mum too.  We chatted about the wonders of parenthood and in a short time Tim came back in, only he wasn’t alone, he was flanked by my niece Amanda, nephew Jeremy and their respective partners Seb and Sarah!!!  All of the sudden I had visitors, my first visitors, Marley’s first EVER visitors!!!!!
I was overjoyed.  Amanda and Jeremy were in London to compete in a world wide dance competition and they’d organised with Tim to surprise me, and that they did!

I’m very proud to say that Amanda is dancing on Channel 7’s “Dancing with the Stars” as Grant Denyer’s partner.  They’re in the final 5 and are doing a wonderful job but their chances of success will be greatly improved by phone votes.

For those of you who values this site and have got some use out of it, I’d love it if you could take a moment to put in a vote for Grant and Amanda in an effort to help them through.  They’re dancing SO well and are really wonderful to watch and while they’re winning hands down in the personality stakes, they’re up against Toby Allen from Human Nature and he’s a very smooth dancer indeed.

To vote for Grant and Amanda call 1902 555 016 or text Grant to 194777